|DEMURE IN DENIM|
One of my favourite commenters, Kathy Peck, ( whom a lot of you know) mentioned on Dani BP's brilliant blog that she didn't own any tweed clothing because "it reminds my husband of his mother (not in a good way, and btw it's a long list of what I don't wear because of her)". Meow, meow, Kathy - I hear you! I desperately wanted to know what other sartorial forbidden fruit she was missing from her wardrobe due to the lovely David's maternal sensitivities and begged her to tell me. She suggested I take a guess - and so I have done just that! Here's hoping that David (and his mother) forgive me !
Here we have the Duchess of Kent working a swept back hairdo. This is the kind of hair that looks as if it was carved from granite. Maybe this is what inspired David to take up sculpture? This is the one thing that could have withstood Super Storm Sandy's vicious assault on the east coast, so I think this is the kind of hairstyle that David's mother might have. But David doesn't want this for you Kathy! He wants to be able to run his long, sensuous artist's fingers through your luscious locks with abandonment - not feel as though he's mangled them in a cement mixer. David will have to insure his hands for squillions if you ever opt for this barnet. Think of the premiums!
I'm thinking David's mother is the kind who wears her pearls and a tiara to bed, just so that she can clutch them dramatically even in her sleep. And to let the servants know that she is still in charge, even while she slumbers. So David can probably do without this reminder of his Mother when he's hovering over you romantically, hoping that tonight he's going to get
laid lucky! Stuff the heavy duty necklaces under your mattress, and try to spare David's feelings - it's like holding a crucifix up to a Vampire.
|BIG, BOLD & GOLD (UGH!)|
I'm guessing David will throw a fit if you even think about adorning your earlobes with this type of knuckleduster earring! He prefers your ears bare- naked, for frenzied lobe-licking sessions in the back row at the cinema. Because of his Mother's penchant for them, big, crazy, hideous earrings scare the Hell out of David, so just don't go there! If you simply can't help yourself, I think Chanel sell Vicuna wool Ear-Lobe covers for a mere $1,000 each, so get yourself a flesh-coloured pair and cover up those big dazzling diamond clusters when he's around. It's called "showing compassion for your man" Kathy.
I'll bet David's Mother LOVES a day-glo orange lipstick! In her head, it's still the 1970's so she'll still be pulling on a muumuu and sweeping some orange wax across her lips to enjoy a few cocktails and canapés on a Friday evening. This is her idea of relaxing. If you try swanning around indulging in any of this nonsense yourself, David will be horrified and need electric shock therapy. Again.
Ha! Of course I'm only kidding - apologies to David! I'd be surprised if I got even one thing right. So Kathy - spill the beans! I need to know, don't keep me in cruel suspense. In fact I'm sure everyone wears something that their other half absolutely despises and would love to chuck on to a bonfire. Although I know most of you ladies would rather pierce your jugular with nail scissors than wear anything ugly or unbecoming, there must be something that makes your other half roll their eyes to the back of their head and foam at the mouth?
|GO FOR IT!|
And don't say a stack of unpaid bills or a cattle prod! So, come on, out with it! I want to know what your other half absolutely despises, but that you just can't part with. (Or something that your other half wears that you'd like to burn?)
I'll set the ball rolling - Mr. Sulky HATES me wearing jeans with any kind of rip or tear in them. I mean it's not as if I'm casually strolling around with my furry ass hanging out like Pamela Anderson, on my way to an audience with the Pope, so I don't see the problem. (Indignant sniff) In retaliation, I refuse to let him wear any type of cardigan - EVER! I hate to see a man of any age in a cardigan. It just crushes my soul, so I can't allow it to happen. Please just be honest, and even if you never comment, don't hold back. Nobody ever reads this blog anyway, so your dirty little secrets are safe with me!