" Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say, I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said. It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but this is no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. I have nothing but respect for the police and I'm very sorry for my behavior."
Reading between those drunk and disorderly lines I have ascertained what she really meant to say! Let me translate.
|THE REAL ME!|
" Out of the greatest respect and self-regard for my career, I refuse to say much about this incident in the hope that it will simply fade away and I can resume wearing my Princess crown. I may have slipped and fallen headfirst into a cocktail pitcher that evening so it's not my fault at all that I was drunk. ( But I reserve the right to use the "somebody else spilled alcohol down my throat" defence). When I asked that police officer if he knew who I was, I just wanted him to know that he could have my autograph, because I thought he might be too embarrassed to ask for it. My mistake, he is clearly not a movie fan. Or worse, a Reese Witherspoon fan! On reflection, I should never have had to ask this question in the first place and I deeply resent that he didn't have a clue who the Hell I was. I mean, I was shocked and horrified when the officer revealed that he couldn't name even ONE of my movies. How are we supposed to place our trust in people who don't even recognise us? Am I supposed to carry my Oscar around in the car? Was he confused because my hair is currently dyed brown? NO EXCUSE! It was a really scary situation to be in, and I was terrified for my career. I mean, I'm supposed to be America's Sweetheart! Plus, I knew they wouldn't have make-up artists and lighting experts at the jailhouse, so I feared that my elfin beauty would not be shown to full effect. My chin alone requires its own entourage and Special Effects team. It is so disappointing to discover that police officers do not undergo any form of special training in how to deal with Big Famous Movie Stars and I will be complaining to the Governor as soon as these handcuff scars have faded. However, to show how sorry I am to the officer I will be sending him a copy of every movie and TV show I have ever made in the hope that if we meet again, I will not have to ask him if he knows who I am. It's the least I can do. I will also send him a signed photo of my Star on the Walk of Fame. ( But if it's a dark night, rest assured that I will mow his unappreciative ass down). I will totally understand if the Police Department fires him, because if he doesn't recognise me, what hope is there for him capturing real criminals who have actually done something wrong?